King of the Hill

Colonel Cotton Hill

Colonel Cotton Hill

Colonel Cotton Lyndal Hill (November 1, 1924 – November 11, 2007) was the father of Hank Hill, Good ‘G.H.’ Hank Hill, and Junichiro (his illegitimate half-Japanese son). Cotton was also a WWII veteran who had his shins ‘blowed off by a Japanman’s machine gun’ in combat, and later had his feet attached to his knees. That made Cotton a foot shorter than his fellow family members and caused a characteristic waddle (according to Hank, Cotton was 6'4" with his shins, and 5'0" without). Despite his disability, Cotton eventually reached the rank of Colonel in the Texas State Militia and was often addressed by that rank. All stories, except those dis-proven, will be treated as honest feats because despite his delusions of grandeur he left for Japan Six foot Four, but came back Five foot Even.

Military Service

  • Earned the Medal of Honor, Purple Heart, Silver Star, and American Campaign Medal based on his uniform; Silver Star displayed in a case at the VFW. (source)

Strength

  • Severed a German Corporal’s windpipe with a two-foot strand of floss. (source)
  • Climbed the cliffs of Normandy with an ice-cream machine on his back. (source)

Durability

  • Survived a torpedo hitting the ship and saved three friends. (source)
  • Shot in the back fifty times by a Japanese Zero, then rushed Japanese soldiers and had his shins blown off by a mounted machinegun, yet beat every man in the camp to death with a piece of his dead friend, Fatty. (source)
  • Survived in a Japanese POW camp by eating rats and, when down to his last rat, eating its droppings called ‘Jungle Rice’; when thin enough, slipped through the bamboo cage and strangled the guard with a rope made of rat tails. (source)
  • Took a punch to the face that drew blood and didn’t flinch, albeit from a Peggy rehabilitating after falling out of a plane. (source)
  • Survived most of his life with four bullets in his back and one in his heart. (source)

Skill

  • Can tell a Laotian from a Japanese man on sight. (source)
  • Retook Munda Airfield in the Solomon Islands by hiding in a barrel of sake. (source)
  • Crawled through a minefield to retrieve General MacArthur’s pipe. (source)
  • Survived eight days on a raft by collecting water in his upturned eyelids. (source)
  • Developed a bayonet technique that became standard practice in the Army. (source)
  • Hid for two weeks in a pile of bodies. (source)
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