Mr. Plinkett

Mr. Harry S. Plinkett is a psychopathic serial killer and movie reviewer, best known for his 70-minute takedown of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Despite his semi-comprehensible speech and insanity, he excels in film analysis. His backstory includes surviving the Titanic, killing his wives, and incidents with a hooker named Nadine. Born in 1906, he is extremely old during his feats, many of which are unreliable statements from a crazy old man.

Physical Feats

• Smashes and throws around a printer. (source) (Revenge of the Sith Review)
• Threw his psychologist out a window. (source) (Revenge of the Sith Review)
• Snaps a phone receiver in his hand. (source) (Baby’s Day Out Review)
• Punches Nadine in the face hard enough to disorient her for a while. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• Throws a phonebook hard enough to knock over a bucket Nadine’s standing on. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• Punched his way out of his own coffin, digging through the ground. (source) (Rise of the Plinkett)
• Snapped his wife Bambi’s neck. (source) (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Review)
• Beheaded his zombified granddaughter with a hatchet. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)
• Gets shot while in a firefight with the cops and survives. (source) (The Phantom Menace Review (Part 7 of 7))
• Gets blasted with a fire extinguisher and lives, although hospitalized. Later, George Lucas pulls his life support, causing him to flatline, but he is revived. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• Has survived multiple strokes. (source) (Mr. Plinkett Rogue One Response)
• Took a nasty bite from his zombified wife but seems to be fine. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)
• Survives shooting himself in the head, saying that the bullet must’ve just grazed his brain. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)
• Stays conscious for a long time while being ripped apart by zombies. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)
• Survived a suicide attempt. (source) (The Star Wars Awakens Review)
• Claims that it took him minutes to nail up a bunch of boards. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)
• Flies around in his wheelchair and takes several hits from a machete that send him flying back. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• Despite being commonly portrayed in a wheelchair and with a missing leg, Plinkett has been shown on multiple occasions to be able to walk with a cane and have both legs. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• Pushed a hooker down a well after she tried to attack him. (source) (Star Trek 2009 Review (part 1 of 2))
• Blew into a tribal guy’s blowgun backwards to make him choke on his own poison dart. (source) (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Review)
• Slept for years, possibly, long enough to grow a big gray beard. (source) (The Plinkett Awakens)
• Urinates an incredible amount. (source) (The Plinkett Awakens)
• Another urination feat. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)
• Ate a cat alive. (source) (Cinco De Star Wars!)
• Cut up thousands of tomatoes with a rusty old hacksaw. (source) (The Next Plinkett Review)
• Hypothesizes that the sheer amount of prescription medication he takes made him immune to being turned into a zombie after being bitten several hours earlier. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)
• After eating Taco Bell, shits an impressive amount, so hard that it bursts through his pants. (source) (The Star Wars Awakens Review)
• Survived getting his penis ripped off by his cat in 1969 and still fathered Rian Johnson in 1973. (source) (The Last Plinkett Review)

Miscellaneous Feats

• Abducted an entire team of cheerleaders. (source) (The Phantom Menace Review (Part 2 of 7))
• Knows how to suffocate a hooker trying to escape his crawl space with Raid. (source) (The Phantom Menace Review (Part 3 of 7))
• Ran over a large Korean family with his car. (source) (The Phantom Menace Review (Part 3 of 7))
• Raped the Millennium Falcon, a fictional 113.25 foot long spaceship. (source) (Revenge of the Sith Review)
• There is a yearly Ego Celebration Fest dedicated to him. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• Emperor Palpatine calls Plinkett his greatest apprentice. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• Identified George Lucas by the smell of his BO and flannel shirt. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• Sold a hairpiece to Frank Sinatra. (source) (Titanic Review)
• Sold clothing to President William Howard Taft. (source) (Titanic Review)
• Tracked down his first cat after she won a million dollars from a slot machine and skipped town. (source) (Star Trek 2009 Review (part 1 of 2))
• Can somehow tell when the timeline’s changed, similar to a situation in Star Trek episode Parallels. (source) (Star Trek 2009 Review (part 1 of 2))
• Created the complex Plinkett Equation, which measures how often history is being changed in Star Trek alone. (source) (Star Trek 2009 Review (part 1 of 2))
• Analyzed the Indiana Jones films with a team of dead people, implying he has some method of communicating with the deceased. (source) (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Review)
• Analyzed over 15 thousand movies to create a Suckability Index Chart. (source) (Cop Dog Review)
• While trying to test Romero’s Law, accurately lands three gut shots then a headshot on a tied-up zombie using a pistol. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)
• Served as a colonel in Vietnam. (source) (The Star Wars Awakens Review)
• World-renowned film critic Roger Ebert praised his Revenge of the Sith review. (source)

Notable Possessions

• At least one gun. (source) (The Phantom Menace Review (Part 7 of 7))
• An old fridge filled with flesh-eating cockroaches. (source) (Attack of the Clones Review (part 1 of 3))
• A cane with a mirror on it, which he uses to fight with. (source) (Revenge of Nadine)
• A hatchet. (source) (Mr. Plinkett’s Zombie Review!!!)