Shia LaBeouf

Shia LaBeouf, like other suburban myths, lacks hard facts, with the best evidence coming from his song, which is possibly anecdotal.

Stealth

• Demonstrates excellent stalking skills, able to stalk prey through forests unseen, even when victims believe they are alone. (source)
• Possesses the ability to perform a ‘Shia Surprise’, which involves feigning death or injury to make victims unaware and susceptible to surprise attacks. (source) (Shia Surprise!)

Speed

• Capable of sprinting on all fours fast enough to gain on a human target. (source)

Skills

• Proficient in setting traps, specifically bear traps, around his kill cabin to deter intruders. ((specifically bear traps))

Combat

• Can dodge and parry axe swings, even after sustaining a kidney stab, suggesting both defensive capability and counter-attacking potential.
• Owns a gun, though his experience with it appears limited.

Experience

• Regularly engages in these activities, particularly on Tuesday nights, and is often covered in blood, indicating frequent kills or a ready supply of bodies. ((specifically on Tuesday nights))

Survivability

• Capable of surviving in woodland environments.
• Can tank a body slam, even from someone knowledgeable in Jiu Jitsu. (From someone who knows Jiu Jitsu no less)
• Survives strangulation and a stab wound to the kidney. (source)
• Exhibits cannibalistic tendencies. (source)
• The only verified method to defeat him is decapitation.
• Can be brought back to life or summoned by singing his story. (source)
• Appears in a tuxedo while clapping upon being summoned. (source)